college where I majored in applied fine art, working primarily in

printmaking. The symptoms came on slowly but became severe - fatigue,

bruising, petichia, nosebleeds, headaches. As an only child, bone marrow

transplant was not an option - the bone marrow donor registry did not even

exist. In October of that year I traveled to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Ctr

in Seattle, WA (from my parents' home outside NYC) and received ATG as a

participant in one of the early clinical trials. I was in the hospital for

about a month. The followup to the ATG was oxymethalone (male hormone,

yuck) and prednisone (even more yuck). I contracted Hep C from one of the

many transfusions I received in the hospital and all meds were stopped

around Christmas 1980. My counts began to climb and hit the low end of

normal within a year. I thought I had been cured - I think even my doctors

at that time (at Mt. Sinai in NYC) thought so. I was married in June 1984

and got pregnant in the fall of 1985. My counts dropped steadily as the

pregnancy progressed and I was forced to have a therapeutic abortion at 5

months - unquestionably the most horrendous ordeal of my life. The counts

continued to drop and in July 1986, after changing my allegiance to Sloan

Kettering, I received a second course of ATG. Again, I had a great

response, with counts doing a repeat of the first time around. The next

relapse began a couple of years later, but the decline in counts was so

gradual that I didn't require treatment until 1990. I tried cyclosporin

(this was before the standard ATG/Cyclo therapy had been established) but

it succeeded only in making me miserable with side effects. In the spring

of 1991, I had ATG for a third time, again with good results. Another slow

relapse brought me to crisis in 1998. My doctor didn't think I would

respond again to ATG (my AA has begun the progression to Myelodysplastic

syndrome) and urged me to consider bone marrow transplant, despite the

rather dismal odds - 20-25% for a successful BMT (or the sheer survival

thereof) because of so much immunosuppression, number of transfusions, my

age (43 at the time) and the slight liver damage caused by the Hep C. I

opted to try the ATG a fourth time - guess what, it worked again! So here I

am. This remission has been shorter than the others - my doctor said to

expect this. The BMT technology, though it progresses at warp speed, is not

yet at the place where I want to seriously consider it. My counts are now

low enough again to be planning a fifth round of the ATG. I have lost both

hips to the prednisone and had the left one replaced in May 2000.

Whew - sounds a bit grim when I read it back but that's not the way it

feels. This disease has been a gift, one that gives itself to me every day

in the form of a spiritual reminder of what is important. I have had far

more healthy days than sick and for that I am grateful. Lucky for me, this

challenge has solidified the bond between my husband and me. He is

completely supportive, helpful and knows when to leave me alone. I grab up

every moment that comes my way - I do what I want, when I want, when I can

- though my doctor shakes his head at me. But this is my secret weapon

against the monster - I absolutely refuse to let it control me. Don't get

me wrong, it's not always warm and fuzzy - but living a life that

celebrates joy, humor and laughter works for me - and it's more fun!

My very best to you - stay strong and focused.

Andrea